Today’s Mommy Guilt

It’s mostly Kittymomma guilt today. I feel guilty for saying, “Damn you, Fort!” when he jumped in the crib as I was trying to put Max down for a nap. Not to mention the fact that I damned him last night when he was chasing Belle around the bathroom while I was trying to get ready for bed at 12:30.

I also feel guilty for saying, “Jesus, Max, that hurt!” when he pulled my hair whilst screaming, just as I tripped over the ottoman while attempting to put him in his carrier.

Yes, Mommy can be a potty mouth. But my dad was a potty mouth and I turned out ok. Except that I’m a potty mouth.

The miracle of Thanksgiving

Chris, Max, and I went to my parents’  house in Longview, TX, for Thanksgiving. It’s roughly a four and a half hour drive from our house in Austin, but it can easily balloon to five and a half or even six when traveling with a baby. Max is still eating every three hours, but luckily, we are able to give him bottles on the road. We usually manage to make the  trip with only one stop for a feeding.

However, there was an unscheduled stop in Jacksonville, TX. Max had been fussy in the car, due to boredom and the sun getting in his eyes at times, despite my best efforts to shield them. I finally got him to sleep just as we got to Jacksonville, after many hummed renditions of Brahms’ “Lullaby”.

I was just about to tell Chris how Max had fallen asleep with one of his legs in the air when I noticed something protruding from his diaper. You see, lately, Max has started pooing only once a week. (We have told our doctor and it’s nothing to worry about.) While it is nice to have so few poopy diapers, there is usually a copious amount once the poop does land. Of course, he waited for his weekly poop until we were on the road in East Texas. Add to this the fact that we were not expecting another weekly poop, because he had just had one on Monday.

So, I took a closer look at the substance protruding from the diaper. It was getting dark out, but the light from the IPhone revealed that there was poo oozing from the diaper. Due to the fact that he had fallen asleep with his leg in the air, it had not soiled his outfit or the carrier. Also, I would not have seen it otherwise and I couldn’t smell it for some reason.

Horrified, I stage-whispered to my husband, “Hey, Chris, there’s poop coming out of his diaper!” Due to the semi-calm whispering tone of my voice, my husband at first was unsure about the urgency of the situation. We were soon in the parking lot of the post office, grossing out unsuspecting folks dropping off their holiday mail.

The only reason I can think of that my son would fall asleep in such an unprecedented position, thereby allowing us to save his outfit, his carrier, and our sanity on that long, cold drive is The Miracle of Thanksgiving. So, all ye citizens of Jacksonville, TX, take heart. When you smell that weird odor still lingering around the post office, you are actually getting a whiff of true holiday magic.

How does Max know …

to start crying the minute Mommy is getting her hair stroked or her back rubbed or being pampered in any way??

OCDisastrous

Since my teens, I have had a touch of OCD. Well, maybe more than a touch, but fortunately, not the level of Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets. I am able to control it when I want to (while going crazy inside ;) ), but only to a certain extent.

It started in high school and escalated during my super-neurotic, overachiever state in college. I had to check all of the door locks every night in a certain order. Luckily, we had a small apartment with only two doors, which were in the same room. I hadn’t yet progressed to checking windows and the stove and oven yet. However, I spent an inordinate amount of time checking those two doors. No matter how long I stared I could not convince myself that the damn doors were as locked as they were going to get. Finally, I would convince myself that I could believe my eyes (I’m not really sure how long that took, but it was about the same amount of time every night.) and go to bed.

This continued even after I moved into an apartment of my own with chains and security bars on the door. (Hey, I lived in a college town. Those are candy stores for predators. I’d already caught a Peeping Tom at my bathroom window.) By then, I had started checking the windows. (Yes, Dad, this is what happens when you tell your children too many stories about how every stranger they see is a potential kidnapper. How even the seemingly harmless older couple across the street could be kidnappers and you should never, ever even make eye contact with anyone you don’t know, because you might disappear forever and meet some horrible fate.)

Now that I am living in a house with my husband and child, my routine runs a bit more smoothly. I do check everything, but I only do it once (most of the time). However, I have added a few weird things. For instance, I always check my husband’s deodorant bottle and container of hair product every morning to make sure he has put the lids back on properly. (I don’t want the cats getting in and eating any of that stuff.) However, I am also a multi-tasking mommy these days. I attempted to check the deodorant a couple of mornings ago while also brushing my teeth and moving my compact. (All after about a month of not really sleeping.) Of course, on that one morning, the lid wasn’t on all the way. The deodorant fell, knocking the compact on to the floor, causing me to take both the Lord’s and his Son’s names very much in vain. Blasphemously in vain. Noting that my prayers might get through faster if I would stop insulting two out of the Big Three, I apologized and prayed that my son hadn’t woken up. He hadn’t. Thank God. (And I say that respectfully.)

You’d think I would have learned my lesson from that incident. Oh, no. Yesterday (Again while Max was napping. I get in to so much mischief when he naps.), I just had to make sure the top was securely on the Tupperware container containing the previous night’s brisket, which was now my lunch. I tested it once. Not good enough. Twice. Still not good enough. A third time. The top flies off and the bowl skitters toward the microwave. I meekly replace the lid and put it in the fridge. No more checking. No more blaspheming. My son stayed asleep. I guess I am learning to let go of my fears and neuroses after all. A few more accidents should cure me completely.

The TV is your friend

That whole “no screen time for children under 2″ thing? Not workin’ for me. Luckily, I talked to my mother-in-law on Wednesday and she said she let my husband watch lots of TV when he was little. Actually, she thinks that’s why he learned to talk so soon. He is super-smart and definitely not a TV addict, so I feel much better now about letting Max stare for a few minutes here and there while I take a breather.

“Is that hair gel?”

I found one of Max’s boogers in my hair today. It was my first sighting of any kind of baby detritus in my hair and I was weirdly grossed out by it, considering that I have been pooped on.

Luckily, I found it before we went to dinner at our friends’ house. That could have been a real appetite killer. Well, maybe not, considering that we are all parents of young children.

Gimme some of that hair

My son Max is three months old today. (Yea! We survived the first three months.) He has become fascinated with his hands, constantly attempting to shove them both in his mouth. When they are not in his mouth, he uses them to grab my hair. Of course, he has started this phase right when my hair has started the postpartum “falling out at the slightest provocation” phase. (Seriously, my comb is so furry when I comb my hair after a shower that I almost think it’s a fourth cat.) So now, in addition to the lint he usually accumulates in the palm of his hands somehow, they are also covered with drool and usually clutching a strand or two (or more) of my hair. Pretty picture, right? Actually, yes. It’s the most beautiful picture in the world. (Although I do try not to sniff his hands too closely at times.)

New mom fears/difficulties conquered this week

1. Taking my son’s temperature rectally.

2. Putting a new crib sheet on his mattress.

3. Taking him to the grocery store by myself. No crying or dirty diapers! However, two separate Good Samaritans (one of them a new-ish mom herself) did help me get his carrier in and out of the grocery cart. Thanks!

New mom talent for the day

Typing a blog post with a baby on my lap. Uh-oh. He’s unhappy. Gotta go.

Sort of like a fuzzy navel …

I was changing my son’s diaper today when I noticed he had some fuzz on his body. On the tip of his penis, to be exact. Now, this raises an interesting issue for me as a mother or maybe it’s for all of us as a society. I’m not sure. Maybe we have all gotten over-sensitive if a mother cannot handle (I wish I could think of a better word.) matters pertaining to her son’s penis without feeling awkward. He’s only two months old. It’s tiny. (No offense, kid.) However, it took about ten tries for me to get that fuzz off of his penis. I felt so awkward that I kept trying to remove the fuzz without actually touching his genitalia, which worked about as well as it sounds like it would. (The fuzz removal, not his genitals. I have no idea how well they function, except that he seems to have no trouble peeing, preferably with his diaper off. ) I even called my husband right before I managed to finally, successfully, remove it.

Max (That is my son’s name. I am in the process of rendering this blog un-anonymous, but haven’t had time to update my “About” page.) was seemingly oblivious to all of this. However, I veered between feelings of awkwardness over having to touch him when not changing his diaper or bathing him (even for fuzz removal purposes) and fears that I would accidentally hurt him. During one of my desperate, spastic attempts to remove the fuzz, I felt like I accidentally tugged too sharply on his poor little penis. I decided he would have let me know if I had, though. As for any awkwardness, I’ve discussed this with other parents and it seems to be something we all feel. Especially with a child of the opposite sex. Just comes with the territory. I wonder, though, if it ever stops being awkward? Or becomes less awkward?

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